Holy cow, my poor little special place has gotten quite dusty. Oops! I'll just clear out some of these cobwebs and try to be a better apartment keeper!
So, back to the post at hand.
I am stunned. And if I could think of a better word for it, I would use it.
In the past three weeks I have discovered that my best friend - who I am no longer speaking to and likely won't, ever again - is getting married. In six months. A wedding that I won't be invited to, to a woman I will never meet.
And then I found out that my once fiance, who swore up and down that he didn't want any babies, who was adamant about me not being pregnant, is having one. With his now-wife. So there's a double surprise.
And....and I feel like a horrible person, because my initial reaction to any of these bits of good news isn't "oh, good for them" like a nice person would react. My reaction is more along the lines of "oh, woe is me" which is a horrible reaction both because it is selfish and because none of the news has anything to do with me anyway. I want all of the people involved to be happy - I just wish their happiness didn't sting the way it does at the moment.
But time heals many wounds.
So when someone asks me if I've heard the good news, I'll just smile and say "That's wonderful!". And I'll hope that with enough practice I'll start to believe it.
Time heals all wounds.
Doesn't it?
Showing posts with label pregnancy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pregnancy. Show all posts
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Welcome to Suite 13!
I have decided that I perhaps have enough bad luck in real life, so in my special pink apartment in the city, in the building full of pink pals, 13 will be lucky. Or so I'm hoping...
And because I have these great new digs, where I can say whatever I want, I will answer the question that the lovely Swistle posted the other day.
I was unmarried and a college graduate, living up the life that all young, single people think that they will have upon graduation. I had a great job, a sizeable expendable income, and loved every minute of it.
January 9, 2004 (coincidence that the original question was posed on January 9th as well, no?), and I was running an errand with a friend. I stopped cold before walking into a store and blurted out "Oh my God, I'm pregnant." Luckily, she was several steps ahead of me, and didn't hear a word I said. How she never noticed that my eyes were as wide as saucers and I was shaking like a leaf, I have no idea.
I don't really know how I knew, I wasn't even late at the time. But I knew. I KNEW. I had plans for the rest of the afternoon/evening, and it would have raised quite a few eyebrows if I had backed out, so I continued on like nothing was out of the ordinary. Although in my head I was going a million miles an hour....
The next day I went to Target and picked up a test. Which of course was instantly positive. Luckily I knew that was going to be the result, or I might have fallen over right then and there. Although instead of falling over, I just sat on the bed and thought about how lucky I was. I was going to have the thing I didn't even know I was missing, until it found me.
I made an appointment and saw an OB (and my background is in OB, so I was very careful about selecting someone that was not in any way affiliated with my job or the jobs of anyone that I knew who worked in OB...which was actually a lot harder than it sounds) and started to think about what it all was going to mean - I wasn't married, and I don't have any family around here.
I didn't tell anyone that I was pregnant, and was very careful not to let anyone ever suspect. I loved it, but it was like a secret just for me, that I could wrap up in whenever I wanted. Not telling anyone turned out to be the best decision I ever made, as I had a miscarriage early in the second trimester. The fact that no one knew saved me from a lot of explaining that I really didn't want to do.
I don't have any children of my own, and although I miss the one that could have been, I am alright with things as they are for now. And this is the perfect way to use my 'secret spot' since no one who actually knows me has any idea that I have ever been pregnant.
And because I have these great new digs, where I can say whatever I want, I will answer the question that the lovely Swistle posted the other day.
I was unmarried and a college graduate, living up the life that all young, single people think that they will have upon graduation. I had a great job, a sizeable expendable income, and loved every minute of it.
January 9, 2004 (coincidence that the original question was posed on January 9th as well, no?), and I was running an errand with a friend. I stopped cold before walking into a store and blurted out "Oh my God, I'm pregnant." Luckily, she was several steps ahead of me, and didn't hear a word I said. How she never noticed that my eyes were as wide as saucers and I was shaking like a leaf, I have no idea.
I don't really know how I knew, I wasn't even late at the time. But I knew. I KNEW. I had plans for the rest of the afternoon/evening, and it would have raised quite a few eyebrows if I had backed out, so I continued on like nothing was out of the ordinary. Although in my head I was going a million miles an hour....
The next day I went to Target and picked up a test. Which of course was instantly positive. Luckily I knew that was going to be the result, or I might have fallen over right then and there. Although instead of falling over, I just sat on the bed and thought about how lucky I was. I was going to have the thing I didn't even know I was missing, until it found me.
I made an appointment and saw an OB (and my background is in OB, so I was very careful about selecting someone that was not in any way affiliated with my job or the jobs of anyone that I knew who worked in OB...which was actually a lot harder than it sounds) and started to think about what it all was going to mean - I wasn't married, and I don't have any family around here.
I didn't tell anyone that I was pregnant, and was very careful not to let anyone ever suspect. I loved it, but it was like a secret just for me, that I could wrap up in whenever I wanted. Not telling anyone turned out to be the best decision I ever made, as I had a miscarriage early in the second trimester. The fact that no one knew saved me from a lot of explaining that I really didn't want to do.
I don't have any children of my own, and although I miss the one that could have been, I am alright with things as they are for now. And this is the perfect way to use my 'secret spot' since no one who actually knows me has any idea that I have ever been pregnant.
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